At two years old the infant begins to yell and develops the capacity to tell lies. We recognise that to tell a lie is an attempt to change the truth; we understand that our ancestors at the equivalent period of evolution were experiencing a maturation delay caused by a weather event and that they wanted to change the actual circumstances in which they found themselves living; we also recognise that developing the capacity to tell lies represents a break from instinct.
At three years old, our infants enter the Dionysian phase during which they are highly excited, exhilarated, unable to sit still. We recognise that at the equivalent period of human evolution, our ancestors were freed from the earlier maturation delay.
At 3 1/2 years old the infant suddenly begins screaming in rage and terror. We understand that a further and possibly more extreme weather event, confronted and terrorised our ancestors.
The mother teaches. The infant learns. Learning is perhaps almost synonymous with obedience; learning and obedience are almost the same thing. It is primarily the mother who teaches, but the father, older siblings and other family members also teach. The child learns from all experiences, and relates most strongly to the mother, and what the child learns, he or she understands in relation to the mother and what the mother teaches. The mother is the primary and most important guide; the child learns from the mother first, obeys the mother first. In the earliest times, the infant learns, obeys, instinctually: the infant does not make conscious decisions, but merely obeys the mother without questioning her authority.
We may speculate that sometime between 3 1/2 years old and 4 years old, the infant begins to become conscious of the decisions that he or she makes. The infant begins to obey consciously. And this consciousness of obedience has consequences.
‘You must never do that again’
Mother and toddler are walking in the park. Mother is distracted for a moment, then notices child has ‘disappeared’. Mother searches for child. Child is found by a flower bed. Mother tells him, ‘You must never do that again.’ The child has been gazing enraptured by the beauty of the flowers, which glow and pulse with life; the child is lost in wonder and delight. When mother says, ‘Never do that again,’ the child understands that he must never love the beauty of the flowers. Of course he must obey the mother. He sees that she is distressed and he is hurt that he has hurt her. He must not love the beauty of the flowers. He must never love the beauty of the flowers.
If the toddler is under 3 1/2 or 4 years old, he or she will obey. But if he or she has reached the stage of consciousness mentioned above, he or she will obey but feel complicit in the ban on loving flowers. By being conscious of the decision to obey, the child feels and believes that he or she is self-denying of pleasure.
The ‘Truth’ and ‘it must be so’
The mother teaches; the infant learns. What the individual infant learns becomes the ‘truth’ which will very often remain true for that individual throughout life. It is very difficult to overturn such a ‘truth’ even when it is a dangerous ‘truth’.
When that ‘truth’ has been learnt by the infant of 3 1/2 or 4 years old, that ‘truth’ will be more strongly defended by the individual, because it is his or her own decision to hold that ‘truth’.
Everything encountered in later life is related to and examined in relation to that ‘truth’ or those ‘truths’ which the man or woman has learnt in infancy.
It is well known that an individual who suffers trauma repeats the events of that trauma. One may clearly observe in the behaviour of adults the nature and severity of trauma suffered by those adults in infancy: thus a woman abandoned by both her parents at the age of 2 years, repeats the event again and again by pushing away her family and friends, indeed anyone who may be loveable; she feels that she must be alone, because she was alone. She feels that it must be so. She feels that her loneliness in infancy was the ‘truth’ and that therefore it must be so. With help, the woman has become less defended and defensive.
What we observe in the behaviour of individuals is observable in human societies. Our ancient ancestors, in the infancy of humanity, suffered a series of traumas. Those traumas represent the ‘truth’ and we constantly repeat the events.
But George Frankl proved that human nature is fundamentally good, all babies are born good and loving. We may now recognise that Frankl’s proof brings us nearer to what I dare to call The Truth.